Smeshniyi raskazi
Save, vampires!
One man decided to make fun of his mother-in which he washed down almost to death. Using the fact that my dear mother uchapala on the market, zyatek drank a hole in the dining room table, then crawled under it, stuck his head into the hole and froze in that position. Tablecloth hanging down to the floor, and the body is not a prankster be seen. Yet it is abundantly pre-poured ketchup all around its durey head.
Now imagine that she saw a foolish woman, returning home? A pool of blood on the tablecloth, and in the center of the table recline severed head-in-law with his tongue hanging out and oblique eyes. Teschenka screamed with such force that the ceiling fell crookedly hanging chandelier and dolbanula fan draws directly on the bonce. Instead, however, does not kick in, but the deafening yelled. Mother-in-law, heard the severed swearing his head desperately, finally lost his mind and threw a guy just bought a three-liter bottle of tomato paste. Naturally, the bank got the joker right in the forehead.
Obviously, the bones were from a peasant to a thickness of concrete slab, because the container was broken, adding to the landscape of paint. The poor son lost consciousness and so it was left sitting under the table, now just like a corpse.
Baba, howling like zaevshaya grinder, raced out to a police station, located in the same house, on the first floor. The cops who came in the form of an apocalyptic spectacle became ill, and they even lost his temper, backed to the door. And then the head, a terrible, all covered with red clots, raised her eyelids furiously zavraschala eyes, opened his mouth and issued a tirade:
- Mom! Your mother! Mother your! Mom!
wife's mother fell into a swoon, one of the elements collapsed next to her, the second one was stronger.
- Take it easy .. , This ... - Zabubnil it - show me your passport!
- schA get out, - Hissed chump - and get some, weather manenko.
Obviously, the prospect to behold flying through the air for the instrument head is so impressed by the soldier that he cried out: "Help! Vampires! "- Rushed for help.
When the department is almost at full strength, with a service weapon at the ready broke into the apartment, instead, still covered with ketchup, summoned an ambulance. The result of a joke: the mother-in hypertensive crisis, one element was the stutter, the second is now always silly giggles with a bottle of ketchup, zyatek got a few days for disorderly conduct and the moral satisfaction. A mother-in-law once and for all ceased to pester idiot.
Hedgehog Rescue German
Letter from a friend. From Germany.
Rather, the excerpt. Punctuation, spelling and other simple-minded author kept pace unchanged. Next, on behalf of the author.
Ida, then shopping, I look: on the sidelines of a hedgehog is. Not a ball, and on his back, paws up. And all the snout in krovische: machine, probably shot down. Here in the suburbs who just do not drag! Hedgehogs, foxes, snakes ... sometimes even deer come across. I feel sorry for something it was: wrapped in newspaper brought home. Helmut calling, asking what to do? He told me: carry them to the hospital where veterinary department is. Okay, bear.
came into office. Meets some Aibolit overinflated: over two meters tall, two sheets of the robe can sew. "You East moose?" - Asks. Here too, I think, accurately: the elk. And count up: forget how in German "Hedgehog". Later in the dictionary look. Well, shove him poor fellow: that is shayse happened, Krancke beast, Lechi, come on. Himself as elk - love hedgehogs ...
So he Life Aibolit was: mug distorted, almost crying. "Bedauernsvert - wails - shooting!". Poor thing, was to be. Swab rubbed, almost licked and prick zasandalil. Damn, I think, little Hedgehog their needles. And carried into the operating room. Wait, said about an hour.
Well, leave as a dumb - waiting. Hour and a half crawls out of this moose. Scoreboard sorrowful, as if I've got a relative of bends. And broadcasts: that as a good thing you brought the poor creature in time. Trauma-de, very difficult: to live to be, but will remain disabled. Now, liberal Fraulein, his pick and even a visit is impossible: lomnyak after anesthesia.
I am from such worries quietly ohrenevayu. And then begins a full am Ende. Aibolit continues: "A couple of days the patient (nota bene: Hedgehog!) Will lie in the intensive care unit (for hedgehogs, n # # # x !!!), and then will be able to pick up. "I'm probably on his face was written:" At my house horseradish hedgehog with a disability?! ".
He bethought him:" But maybe it is a burden for you and overly responsible (e-moe!!). Then you can place an animal in a shelter (b # # # I !!!). If, however, did you decide to shelter him, you will need
certain formalities ... "
I understand that you can not laugh: German sad as the funeral of the Fuhrer. Lybu stub and ask: "What are the formalities?". "Contract for guardianship (over the hedgehog, e # # t !!!), - answers and characterization of a magistrate. "I could hardly hold back so as not to roll." Characteristics of the animal? "- ask. zoophyte this quite seriously replied: "No description for your family, Fraulein. The document should contain information about, do not blame you or members of your family in the rape animals (struggling gonyu out of my head the image of Helmut, roughly cohabiting with a crew !!!). In addition, the magistrate must
confirm whether you have the material and housing conditions are sufficient for the custody of the animals (not we too poor for a hedgehog, with # # # ka !!!)". I, damn it, yet strong enough to say: that I will consult with relatives,
before taking such a responsible step, how to adopt a hedgehog. And I ask: how should I for the surgery?
answer me dodavil. "Oh, no," he says - you have nothing should not. We have a federal program to rescue animals affected by the people. "And then - cast a spell:" On the contrary, you will receive a prize of one hundred euros for a timely appeal to us. You send money to mail order (... eight, nine - out !!!). We are grateful for your kindness. Danko sheng, guthertsig Fraulein, aufviderzeyn! "
In general, the home was in full frenzy, laughing already forces were not. And then something sad was: remembering our hospital, when my aunt lay after infarction. As chunks of dragged three times a day, laundry, dishes, pleaded to a tour and even though Zelenkov anointed. As a result, was born on this maxim: "Better to be a hedgehog in Germany than people - in Russia "
girl forgot ...
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
After marriage, the couple (let it be Nadia and Sergei) have decided to gift money buy a mink coat young wife.
went Nadia ONE! the market for a fur coat (price themselves can estimate).
Until fur is not reached, it is very much liked the winter boots. She stopped and began trying on the boots. Handbag so as not to interfere with, gave the salesgirl. And then, if blurted out something about buying fur coats, that is about the amount of money in bag. In short, when she lifted her eyes, a saleswoman was gone.
in tears, without a handbag, but the new boots returned Nadia home.
the question of earrings, what happened told her story. Psole end of the story Serega writhed in hysterics.
Nadia ispugalass, beginning rasprashivat what happened. Serega her and said:
- Expensive! In life, I laughed so only twice.
first - this is when you first make me soup, and the second - now. After all the money you forgot at home!
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